Real life recognition

Recognizing that I have been angry at others for not acting according to my script and angry at myself for acting according to "their" script and not my own. 

I've heard that a big first step toward solving a problem is first recognizing that there is a problem.  Well, now I recognize the problem.  I had this picture in my head about how life was supposed to be, based on the fairy tales I grew up hearing or the idyllic movies I grew up seeing.  I grew up thinking that the "issues" in my family were unique and the worst that the world could have possibly burdened me with.  People finally crossed my path who were transparent enough to let me know that 1. the fairy tales were indeed just that, tales, and not reality at all, and 2. they and most others were experiencing similar, if not the same, issues I had been experiencing, that I was nowhere near alone.  That helped me to breathe more freely.

But now, on to the next step.  How do I recover from all that damage that I've endured and inflicted based on my misinformed thinking?  What if the people who hurt me or that I've hurt are no longer alive or accessible?  Forgive and offer forgiveness anyway.  This is more about unburdening my soul than continuing to place blame (which was my MO).  I have to be a vessel of healing and while I'm doing that, I have to heal as well.  This has been such a long journey of twists, turns, backswitches, retreats, potholes, mountains...you know, I don't have to spell it out, because you've endured your own version of this too!

I find that these intermittent revelatory moments are so key to not only my own healing, but that of so many others because we are all traveling this road called life, and, just like in some of those online role-playing games, you find weapons for future use along the way, you share your arsenal with your troop in order to win the day.  So I'm sharing.

I am a part of an amazing group of people who are also on their own journey of discovery, whether or not they recognize it.  I've read so many of your stories here on FB and see the growth and progress you've made.  Sometimes when we pray for others, we are not privy to the fulfillment of those prayers, and that's just according to God's plan (so that we don't try to take credit for God's work).  But every once in a while, God allows us to see the fruit at the moment when we're ready to throw in the towel.  I was at one of those moments and a friend from long ago posted a memory that re-lit my candle.  The flame lit the way towards today's revelation.

I hope I made God proud with today's work.  I want to make Him proud because in the end, it's really His opinion of me that matters.  I hope I remember that tomorrow...