So, I know I'm probably setting myself up for a lot of flak, but this thing has been sitting in my heart since I overheard a conversation, and I need to get it out.
The conversation was about mixed children and how that was the way the world was leaning, and that the two participants in the conversation were very happy about it.
Okay, granted that I wasn't too keen on the "trend" toward mixed children when it seemed to gain steam, and became the "in thing" for people to do, I have now mellowed and grown more accepting as more and more of people close to me have entered and remained happy in these unions. I am not one for trends, so that's why I initially objected. I have seen too many people jump on bandwagons for different interests and causes and started some really good movements, but then grew tired and left the "offspring" out in the cold to fend for themselves. Also granted, that race mixing has been around since the beginning of time, and it's not a new thing, but when I see a seeming surge in something that touches on the "trendy" I immediately get defensive because I so often see the sad outcomes of no follow through after the initial excitement.
I know that I have already offended many simply by my loose and possibly unfeeling use of the terminology, but please hear me out. I do not voice this concern to stir any pots, or to start a discussion, or to raise any sort of awareness, not this time, I am simply voicing my viewpoint on a topic I found a little troubling in the way it was presented.
First let me state why I was initially disturbed by the way the conversation was turning. I am a very proud dark-skinned black woman who went through a period of grave disappointment in black men who seemed to blatantly denigrate our race, and crossed over to date and wed primarily white women. I was further egged on in my disgust when I saw that the black man was surrounded by eligible, intelligent, gorgeous black women, but bypassed those options and chose a less attractive, less intelligent white woman. I was only slightly appeased if the white woman was gorgeous and intelligent. What used to get my blood boiling was the negativity exhibited by the black man towards the black women he "rejected."
Denigrating your own race because you chose someone from another will never look right in my book, no matter what you try to say to me, so don't even bother trying to defend that argument, and I'll tell you why. If you are a black man, that means you came from a black woman, who came from a black woman, all the way back. You possibly had black sisters, aunts, cousins, etc. How can you say that you don't want a black woman without disrespecting and hurting those who raised you? I understand that not all families have a wonderful example to which to look, but those are more the exception than the rule, so again, your excuse will never sway me. Now if you have tried to date black women and have suffered repeatedly and a white woman rescued and treasured your heart, then I am all for it, but please, and I do mean that, please do not group all black women into that awful category I know to which some do belong. So my problem is with the denigration of black women by black men.
I was not so much disturbed when I saw black men with women from other races besides white. It still caused a level of discord within me, but not as harshly. I am still of a generation who, though we came up just after Jim Crow, still suffered so many blatant racist acts at the hands of whites that the "prized white women" mentality still rises to the top of my consciousness when I see a mixed couple. I do not do it on purpose because it is such a part of my conditioning because of the injustices I have experienced and seen; it is almost Pavlovian. Therefore, my objection level to a mixed couple where the woman is of another "minority" is diminished because, and I think my rationale is, if I follow my own train of thought, they have also suffered at the hands of whites, so they "get it."
I also do not get as upset if the woman is black and the man is of another race. Being a black woman, I have been subjected to all the media hype about the ratios of black men to black women, and the picture is never a pretty one. So I do not object as strongly to my sisters finding love and happiness with a man of another race.
As I previously stated, I went through a period of grave disappointment, key word "went," past tense. I no longer give that arena anywhere near as much of my time or energy as I once did, and because of that waning of interest and angst, I have found myself more open when I see mixed couples, especially genuinely happy mixed couples.
However, and this brings me back to my original point, the eventual loss of the individual races is something I don't see happening. Whether it will be because of more open-minded people like myself, or from the closed-minded prejudiced elements within each race, it's going to be a battle, and one where that blending across the board will lose. There is still too much to be learned from each individual race, and if we blend everything into one big mélange, those beautiful individualities will be lost!
Something I really enjoy doing is people watching, and part of the enjoyment is watching how the differences interact. And I'm not even going to touch on the subsets of cultures within each individual race! Just watching an older white woman smile back at a Hispanic baby, or a young Asian boy dance with a group of similar aged black boys, or a little white girl join in a game of tag with a group of children, all from distinct races, brings hours of smiles to my face. This is not something that we can afford to lose. Of course there will always be difficulties along the way, we experience them everyday. But if we resort to trying to "erase" those differences by blending everything together, that'll just raise a different set of issues.
The first mention of "differences" is in the Bible with Noah's sons, Shem, Ham and Japheth, and has been a cultural argument down through the ages. The actual assignment of "races" though, came much later, somewhere around the 19th century, when scientists started to try to categorize humanity based on certain physical racial characteristics. This led to theories and assumptions and unfounded conclusions which led to the rise of racism. If the scientists had been in a different time period or around a different group of people, who knows how that argument might have turned out. As it is, here we are today, living with the results of institutionalized racism, and it causes people to again jump to irrational, unprovable conclusions. I may have even jumped to some myself in researching for this post.
I still want to learn about the different races though, and I don't want to be forced to do it because of "blending" of the races. I want enough of the original races to remain distinct, with all the distinctive characteristics evident. I no longer have a rabid response to the mixing of the races, as long as it isn't a forced "remedy" from a pacifist's answer to relieve racism. There will always be differences, there will always be prejudices, there will always be misunderstandings, as long as there are humans, there will always be human responses, good or bad. But just because there is a long-standing problem does not mean that there isn't a solution. But blending isn't it.
America used to be called "the Giant Melting Pot." That is probably why the idea of blending is such an appealing one to some groups. I rather like the new approach where we're now more of a "Giant Salad," all in the same bowl, but retaining our individual flavors, enhancing the flavors of the others with whom we're interacting.
I like me, with all my flaws and foibles, strengths and wisdom, beauty and scars. So many have benefited from me being myself, myself included, that I would never go back to the people pleasing, go-along-to-get-along wall flower I once was. Being ourselves is the best gift to the world that we can offer; why would we want to give that up to become a carbon copy of someone else? That would ruin the whole idea of individuality!
I'm against losing our uniqueness, but I am interested in how you feel about it. Let me know in the comments below.
Humbly submitted,
The Psalmist
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