This feeling

I need your help to define this new emotion I'm experiencing. I just saw "The Birth of a Nation," and yes, my initial responses were profound sadness and rage.  But, like perfume, the initial reaction has now passed, and the deeper, more lasting effect remains. I feel a form of contempt and familiarity, a renewed sense of self worth and purpose, an underlying pity and shame, and yet a powerful hopefulness riding on faith.

This movie and it's accompanying effects and emotions, are not for everyone, for few will know how to handle the rush and multitude of the reactions responsibly...I am unsure of whether or not I may even be one of them.  It comes at a time when we cannot cry "#blacklivesmatter" loudly enough, yet still receive resistance and apathy, pathetically enough, sometimes from our own. But what this movie has helped me to recognize is that with every battle, there will always be Benedict Arnold's and Judases, willing and unwilling.  I can no longer blame them.  They, like Patty Hearst and countless others, have been brainwashed so completely that they actually believe the filth that their captors are spewing.  I will leave them to their own paths, and pray I am elsewhere when they experience their inevitable, unenviable end.

But still, I am left feeling this feeling that am at a loss to define. I want to do something, but am at a loss as to what. I have so much to do, but am at a loss as to where to start. I have so much to say, but am at a loss as to how to convey the depth of it all.

I wish I could explain this feeling...